fleeting respect…

I wrote a letter to ask for your permission to try moving to a new program.  I mustered all the courage, energy, emotion and I wrote it with honesty and of pure intention.  I read and re-read every word to make sure that my intention will not be misunderstood. The least you could do was to reciprocate and respond in writing whatever it is that you have to say.  But you chose to have someone talk to me about it instead.  You opted to send a messenger to deliver your piece. How sure are you that they gave justice to it?

I was ready for the bad news.  No matter how high my hopes were, I knew that the chances were slim.  We talked about it the last time we were on the phone discussing options. Why did I trouble myself writing? Maybe because I wanted to see about passing through that slim chance I have.  If it fails, like what I eventually found out, I knew for a fact that I tried and I wouldn’t wonder what could have happened if I didn’t.

Gathering what was relayed to me, you preferred to send a message rather than responding in writing because you didn’t want to be misunderstood. Well let me give you a feedback.  Let’s see if I took your message the way you intended it to be…

[1] There was an issue with me asking for permission to move because someone else we both know already asked a similar if not identical request. You do not want to cause alarm to the general population as a result of two consecutive instances of moving out.  My take? You doubted my ability to handle confidential matters. Integrity is one of the values I treasure.  I know when to keep things to myself.

[2] You asked me to wait for a month before trying to asked for it. Waiting is not a problem.  I can wait.  Have you asked yourself why I am requesting to be transferred now?  Surprise! Because there is an opportunity dangling right before my eyes! What am I suppose to do? Ask the “dangling opportunity” to wait for a month? It doesn’t make sense! Does it? Enlighten me, please!

I am disappointed.  My high hopes fell and I’m picking all the pieces. But more than being rejected I am sad because I did not get the same sense of professionalism I was expecting from someone in your position. I am deeply saddened by the way you handled my request.  Honestly, I was expecting something better…

Burn out! I want out!

Burnout is the term given to the physical or psychological condition induced in workers by overwork or overexposure to stress in the workplace.

A feeling of being worn out and having diminished interest in performing an activity.

Masaya ka pa b? (Are you still happy?)

The question has been lingering on my mind for quite some time now. It struck me the most when I was having an accidental chat with one of the supervisors. We met at the bus stop going to Buendia.

“Sa’n nakakabili nyan?” he commented on the bag I was wearing.

“Wala na ‘to! Limited edition that belongs to the museum!” was my awkward response in my hopes that it would be taken as candid.

We talked about some changes happening in the account that we were working on. He asked me how long have I been with the company. The question might have been triggered by the “bag” mentioned in the above conversation as it was a corporate giveaway from the past before the american company we work for was taken over by an Indian corporate giant. I told him the truth.

“Six years in October” was what I said.

He said he just turned five and is waiting for the anniversary watch. It’s a Kenneth Cole watch. One of the few company traditions that the Indian bosses decided to keep.

Then he went on and mentioned something the goes like this:

When you hit five years in the company, you’re gonna be stuck with it.

I am not sure how to react. So I just let it be. We took the bus and talked a little more about work. I abruptly bade goodbye at my stop. The though got struck in my head though.

Then I was blog hopping when I chanced upon an entry about being happy at work. A reader, apparently a colleague, posted a question to the blogger about his status in the company. The question was about being satisfied with the company after a considerable tenure. Then I asked myself. Am I still happy?

In my attempt to answer the question I reflected and looked back six years ago when I was a bum looking for job. Being a bum for a year or so after my short stint as a freelance researcher made me grab opportunities regardless of its status in the social strata. I was then waiting for my final documentations to be a factory worker in Taiwan when I got an email from an agency I have sent an application to a few months ago. Since I have no word from the stint in Taiwan just yet I took my chances on launching an adventure to Makati City (I am from the northern side of Nueva Ecija). That was the time I was made aware of the call center industry. They subjected me to rigorous exercises and exams until I was offered a job. I have no second thoughts when I sealed the contract with my signature. Back then P13K was good enough as a starting salary for someone without any experience at all.

I nearly cried when I got shouted at by an irate customer when I started. I was not used to this kind of treatment. But like they say, you go numb as time passes. So I became stronger. After learning the craft of being cold and insensitive, I had to deal with the volume of work. The number of calls swelled, doubled and tripled. Somehow I felt I was getting tired of the routine. That was four years ago. That was the time I decided to close the book and find myself a regular job.

Looking for a new job was difficult. I was not used to wearing business suits to begin with and I haven’t had any practice at all in acing interviews. Months and another year passed and I am still here. I am still a loser trying to be happy with what I have and what’s left of my pride.

My sister, our youngest is finally graduating the day after tomorrow. This will officialy seal the end of my responsibility as the eldest. I will be free from the bond that kept me from enjoying life as any other yuppee should be doing. Why am I injecting this in my entry? Simply because I am thinking of giving up this job and to finally search for the one that will fit me. Some job that I will love and enjoy. This time i will not worry about the oney for my siblings’ school expenses. I will have the flexibility to bend my finances however I want to. This is my liberation, this is my exodus…

Just before the month of March closed I decided to end this career and to start searching for myself. I started the process of letting go. I talked to my superior about my plans and m time table. I wanted the transition to be as smooth as possible. After all, I earned the respect of my peers with my professionalism and firm belief in integrity….

I intended to leave the company…but for some reason I am having a hard time starting…it’s not that I am afraid of what lies ahead for I am willing to tread the murky waters of the future. It’s the people I am leaving behind, friends who has stayed with me through the rough times…

I am tired and I want to be happy…so I am leaving, if not today, it’s sooner than everyone’s expecting…

Next Door at Makati Ave

Yesterday was “sweldo” day and us being food lovers decided to splurge on food.  We somehow believe that the first to spend our hard earned money is food.  So the shift wasn’t over yet but we’re starving. We commissioned (?) a taxi to deliver us to the Makati Avenue branch of Next Door. According to one of my colleagues, we’re heading for North Park so I was giddy and happy to agree on abandoning meeting my target for the month.  I have been craving for North Park for quite some time and I haven’t got the chance to drop by or even call for delivery.

Anyway, we came and what I noticed is that It looks like North Park.  The crew sort of wears the same thing as those in North Park but the sign was screaming a different name: Next Door.  So most of us reacted “I thought we’re heading to North Park?” He said “North Park din ‘to!  We’ll since we’re already there, we decided to look for a comfortable seat.  I noticed the sign inside that stated the fact–Next Door is a North Park restaurant.  Okay so that explains the similarity which includes the menu so we didn’t question the credibility of the food.

The Scandal

 

Table and chairs

Wait! The scandal did not involve us dining in.  It’s not the usual scandal if I may add.  We just though it funny and innocently tagged it as a scandal.  While we were looking for a comfortable seat we chanced upon two of the male crews in the far corner (near out table) holding hands under the table.  This malicious colleague of ours could not play a poker face so I guess the couple decided to move someplace else.

 

The Food

So after the scandal we argued on what to order.  We have our resident expert as he is a frequent customer to recommend one of my favorite dish–Lechon Macau! Having heard it, I did not argue  but lobbied to the other members of the group to vote for it (yes, we are democratic!)

We ended up with two orders of their pineapple fried rice, an order of beef and mushroom with steamed broccoli flowers and two servings of the ever crunchy lechon Macau.

Tea Time

It usually takes a long time before we can savor and relish the goodness of the things we ordered so the place offers their signature, and I say signature tea! Why? It’s because even in North Park, their tea is crappy.  It smells awful, it tastes well, like partly colored hot water. Nobody bothered having tea at six in the morning except Poi, one of our colleagues who incidentally was leaving for Baguio today (he’s based in Baguio and we’ve been convincing him to relocate in Makati for weeks now).  Since the food was taking a long time and we were starting to feel restless due to starvation, we were already making some noise on how food are being prepared.  Pigs are being slaughtered at the back, and broccolis were in transit from Baguio.

Chow Time

After two hundred years of waiting, we finally got the pineapple fried rice and the broccoli stuff. I am not a big fan of beef (for some reason I don’t like it) but I must say It was good.  The beef was tender and the mushroom sauce was tasty.  It could even pass as a sauce for the lechon.  As for the broccoli, it was good but I think the stems are still partly uncooked.  Ang ingay kaya kainin.  Not the broccoli itself but the sound of their five pound utensil attempting to slice/chop the damn broccoli!

Then the finale came! The lechon from heaven instead of Macau.  The pork skin was crunchy as ever and the lean meat was tender and juicy. Really mouth watering.  I’m salivating again as I write.  I don’t like the sauce that came with the lechon though.  It’s sweet and i’d rather have Mang Tomas as a dip.  But personally, the lechon would stand even without any type of sauce.

After the feast, it looked like the plates were hit by a tornado.  Everything was swept clean.  :) Now everyone was silent and nobody wanted to talk.

The Bill

Since we still have pending target to complete before the close  the month, we decided to pay the bill.  Good thing Poi is a degree holder in Mathematics he had him divide the bill among the five of us with him having the bigger chunk as he was suppose to treat us.  It was a despedida thing for him hehehe:)

We came back to the office went back to work as if nothing happened…

Disconnected

After the unexpected move.  After the drama, the tears and the endless goodbyes we finally transitioned to a new account.  It was painful as it was letting go of the things that we were used to and it was more painful to see a solid team crumble.  Some have decided to sever their ties with the company because of the pressure while some have endured the pressure yet could not withstand the politics in the the new group. So they ended up giving in to the call of other companies with a seemingly lucrative promise.

My team was as solid as a rock until we hit the floor (pun intended). We were dumped in a sea of strangers.  Some we have known from a distant past while most are total strangers.  Wala namang problema sa strangers as we are the friendly bunch.  We assimilate well and fast.  Maraming nawala because of pressure sa workload or personal issues pero some of us are still strong and willing to bend as the wind blows hard on us.

After four months on the new account we find ourselves asking why are we still here.  Are we happy? have we been happier if we have followed the steps of those who left? We know that somehow they’re happy where ever they are as we keep constant communication. They asked us how are we doing we always say we’re hanging in there.  Pessimistic if I may say but it’s the truth and we couldn’t lie about it,  especially me.

Hay ang drama ng buhay.  Ewan ko ba kung bakit ako nagtitiis sa kompanyang pinili kong pagsilbihan anim na taon na ang nakakalipas.  I used to be proud being part of the company.  I used to wear my lanyard with pride and honor (I know its cheezy and all).  Now I could hardly wear them in public unless I have to.  Really, anong nagyari? Maybe after five years I got turned off.  Napagod na lang siguro ako.  Or maybe the company was not what it was five years ago.  It’s been two years since we changed management.  The United States flag has retired and we are now flying the Indian colours. Iba ang palakad sa lahat ng aspeto ng pamamanihala.  From the budget, activities, fringe benefits and the basic salary.  Aaminin ko that they think well.  Their strategies are far better than their american counterparts pero slave driver sila! There came a point that I think, or maybe I could speak collectively, we think that the salary inclusive of the benefits is not worth the load of work that we are doing.  Some left while some, like us decided to stick around in the hope of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  After all maraming opportunities din naman for personal and career growth.

In the business, management varies in style depending on the account as it is determined by the culture of the management team and the way they play the game.  Before we moved to the new family, we belong to a small yet stellar account.  We did not swell in terms of head count (of less than 50) but we deliver far exceeds expectation. We work hand in hand with the culture of a close-knit family.  We were trained to perform and adhere to integrity, customer satisfaction, innovation  and employee engagement.  When we moved to the new and bigger account we were culture shocked.  It was a dog-eat-dog world where you live on your own, create your own group and whoever is the strongest survives in a day.  May politics kahit saan. Sa operations, sa QA, at higit sa lahat sa management.  Nakakapagod! More than the workload itself.

The nagging has been too much.  I have to take action.  I have decided to pull the plug, to diconnect myself from a 6-year relationship that I never though would end like this. I want to be happy…

The Farthest I've Traveled from Home

Cebu Guitar Souvenirs

I've been to southern Philippines.Yup! As far as Davao and Cotabato. I have plans of going outside the country within the year. Next month, I'll be exploring the queen city of the south–Cebu City!!!!!!

[Wednesday Rant]

I got a quick  mental laugh after reading one of the announcements congratulating those who celebrated their fifth (5th) year in the company.  It’s not that often that I read my company emails since I was reassigned to a loc-down account.  I got a good laugh in my creative head.  Please note: I was not happy.  I was laughing with so much bitterness and sarcasm.  I celebrated my “5th year” two years ago and I am scared of staying much longer…

The Drama

I am not happy with the way things are going with the company. It’s no longer the same company I used to love and be proud of some seven years ago.  The way I look at it,  the company sees everything as a figure in dollars. We were no longer part of the so-called “stakeholders”.  In my opinion, they don’t care about us (employees).  They only care about the REVENUE. 

Coffee–the usual stimulant used by anyone working at night.  When I came aboard back in 2004 it was free. I get to have  coffee to jumpstart my day.  I drink coffee during my break to sustain my “perkiness” for the entire shift and before I go home to ensure that I don’t get hit by a speeding car when I get off work. It’s not a luxury if you ask me.  It’s a necessity.  Then came the Vendo that dispenses pre-mixed coffee for a minimal fee of 1 peso.  I understand that the vendo dispenses a paper cup so I am cool with the 1 peso coffee.  April 2011 came…the supply of coffee in sachet were pulled out from the pantry and the vendo raised its price to 5 pesos + 2 pesos for the paper cup! So now I have to spend so much money on coffee when it should have been free for the longest time.  I thought the company understands that need. 

Paper Towels–They’re removing the paper towels off the pantry and rest rooms.  I get it, let’s save the trees.  So they’re installing hand dryers. What I’d like to point out? We wash our plates, lunch boxes and the like.  How are we suppose to dry them?Do they expect us to use the hand dryer?

Clinic/meds–I stomach is not feeling right.  I’ve gone to the rest room a number of times in the day.  The clinic dispensed paracetamol! How crazy is that! How in the hell would paracetamol fix/relieve my aching/upset stomach! I’m not in the medical field but am I suppose to be taking something like loperamide?

Salary–I’ve been searching/researching about compensation packages in the industry and I though my salary was way below the industry standard.  When we asked about salary adjustments they always say we are at par with the industry based on the survey they conducted.  I wonder where they conducted that survey. 

More Drama

Why am I still in this freaking company?  I don’t know.  Maybe I’m still here all because of the people I’ve learned to love.  Those who have been good friends. Well maybe because I am still afraid of letting go.  I am still mustering that courage to finally let go and start a new.  I just said in an IM conversation with a friend:

If you feel that you are no longer productive and effective you can either live with it until you’re all spent or start anew and thrive…

I  have chosen to leave and start a new life.  I have long challenged my fear of treading the murky water of the future.  I will, one of these days write my first resignation letter…you just wait and see…

 

 

The Return of the 7-year old Heartache

Love and being in a relationship was not in my To-Do list back in 2004.  I was busy looking for a job.  I was building my castle and my kingdom when you came along.  You showed me what life and all it’s ups and downs are.  You were my guiding star, my guardian angel…

I was too young (at least in the matters of the heart) then to realize what is going on.  I failed to see what you mean whenever you showed real care for me.  I missed it because love was not in my vocabulary.  I was too busy with myself and my dreams. So we drifted apart.  It was too late when I realized that it was love.  I tried to catch up but has failed miserably…I cried…I mourned for that lost love…

Four years…It took four years for my tears to finally wash away the hurting feeling and to learn to forgive myself for letting you go. I have finally moved on.  I was happy.Ready to fall in love again.  This time equipped with all the lessons my first heartbreak has taught me.

Seven years later while I was busy catching deadlines you came up on IM and asked me how I am.  My busy timeline froze and I felt the cold stab me straight to the heart.  It hurt so bad I couldn’t even move a finger to say anything…Finally after a few days, I had the courage to strike the keys and say “you must have the wrong YM id…Then you were gone.

Early today I was cleaning my mailbox and found some pretty old emails.  Funny they were still here after such a long time. I wonder if it means something.  Could be nothing…I found our email exchange and it has brought all the memories.  It somehow made the wound feel fresh and hurts even more than the time when I first felt it…Just when I though I have gotten over you, a simple reminder ignited all feelings…good and bad! And it made my heart ache more as it longs for your return  while it also repulses it…

Going somewhere

I haven’t got the time to write.  I just have a few seconds to fit this entry because I just cannot believe that some of the very few blogs I follow ceased to exist in cyberspace. I blog hopped and and was surprised to learn that the items in my blog roll are all dead links.  Hmmm…I feel sad.  I wonder where the people whith bright minds are going… but more importantly, where am I going?

I have not been in this space for quite some time. The frequency of my visit in this space has become more and more rare.  Time seems to be a luxury with the way things are goingin my life and my career.  I wonder where life will take me.  I wonder where these fingers will take this space…

What I'm Saving Up to Buy

BlackBerry Bold 9700

Saving up for a Blackberry. I'v been wanting one so bad since two years ago.

Now that my 3-year old laptop is showing some signs of failing I am thinking of getting a macbook. Well, it's kind of expensive but I badly want one. I will try to save up for it.

One last thing! I'm flying to the island of Bohol on August…I will have to save up for my vacation!

A cup to start the day

Krispy Kreme

I usually start my night (it's my morning…I work at night) with a cup of coffee. I normally get it at Krispy Kreme downstairs at the office where I work. I sometimes get Starbucks if I can…

A large cup of kafe Kreme and NY cheesecake is a perfect combination. The bitter-creamy-sweet coffee is complemented by a tangy cheesy flavor of the doughnut. It really makes my day! errr night!

Some Lucky Bowl!

We have no work on the US Memorial Day. With a job that pays the days you come to work, a day off simply means a day less on my paycheck. I simply cannot afford that! I came to work last Saturday to offset the holiday next week. It is kind of timely because I have a lot to finish before the month end.

After work I was planning to go out and watch  the Pirate’s latest. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to wake up in time. I slept until early morning the next day.  So there! No sun and starving.  I took a bath and headed out to literally forage.  I wandered on the empty streets of Palanan.  I cross Osmena highway and the PNR track to check out 7-11 at the ground floor of Cityland Tower.  They’ve none and so was their branch along Pasong Tamo!

Hungry tummy really makes the brain go crazy.  I took the bus bound to Baclaran.  I got off at LRT Gil Puyat Station.  Just as I expect it to be! I took the poorly lit path towards the light of Joe Kuan. Why crazy? Because for a bowl of their noodle soup I am willing to tread the path where chances of getting mugged is close to a hundred percent.

I ordered their famous Laki Mangkok.  As the name implied, its a huge (laki) bowl (mangkok) of noodle soup.

Joe Kuan’s Laki Mangkok!

The bowl is filled with all the toppings you’ll definitely love.  It has dim sum, beef, chicken, pork strips and hard boiled egg.  To be honest, these are not the best part of the this lucky bowl. What made the bowl great was its broth! The broth is definitely a hit.  Like what they always say, ‘sabaw pa lang pamatay na!’

I don’t normally eat beef.  I get to eat the ones on this bowl! It doesn’t have that after taste I usually get in a beef dish.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

After I finished the bowl I can barely move! It is definitely filling.  The best part is it is cheap. It doesn’t cost an arm and a leg.  Well if you’re going there in the middle of the night just like me, buwis-buhay talaga sya! LOL!